If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet

By Tom Limoncelli
11/16/1999

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would keep this news a secret; because if I didn't, everyone would panic.

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would devise some way to encourage people to be prepared.

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would convince the auto makers of the country to glamorize and push more rugged vehicles. If everyone drove a car, such as an SUV, that could handle off-road situations, the surivability rate would improve.

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would create a diversion that would take people's mind off potential doomsday scenerios, yet encourage them to prepare canned food and camping supplies. It would be something extremely simple, like rumors that computers would stop working for a couple days during the winter.

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would want to live my final years in the lap of luxury, living like a King with servants and a big mansion. To this end I would cooerce the chairman of the Federal Reserve to adjust the economy to favor short-term gains so I could be instantly rich. I wouldn't have to care about the "fall" that would follow.

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would have a caucus with the leaders of the entertainment industry to coerce them into playing their role. I'd encourage movies about asteroids hitting the earth so that if anyone leaks the truth, they'll be discredited as someone that's been renting too many summer action films. I'd also encourage movies about other "end of the world" scenario so so the asteroid movies wouldn't stand out.

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would use my connections in the music industry to pimp up cute pre-pubescent girls like Britney Spears and hot gay men like Ricky Martin so that people would go to sleep thinking about them, not what disasters may come.

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would try to ban all forms of pleasure to make sure that citizens are on their toes, ready to "rough it" when the disaster comes; and so that if we needed to discredit anyone that tried to reveal our plans we could easily discredit them by "finding in their home" the natural herbs that we have demonized into "dangerous drugs".

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would start pumping billions of dollars into the human genome projects so that if we don't survive, a record of our existance could be rocketed into space, thus establishing our race's place in the cosmos.

If an asteroid was going to hit the earth and kill most of the planet, and if I were a member of an inter-governmental cabal that secretly ruled the planet, I would write web pages like this one, so that when people are dying they'll wish they had taken me seriously now and then.